I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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