I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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