dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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