did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
