Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
