just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
