I can feel you judging me through the phone.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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