I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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