We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
