Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
