we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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