just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just invented taco cereal.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
