I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
