Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
