well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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