I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize