I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
