it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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