i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
