Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
