Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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