Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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