im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
