all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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