I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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