Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
