I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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