i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
