Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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