Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
