My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
