dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
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