You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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