tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
