if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
