I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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