sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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