FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
