My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
