So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
