theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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