Its about making memories worth repressing
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
