i think my tv is drunk
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
