You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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