Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Let's get the cat blown out
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
