i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
