so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
