Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
