I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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