is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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