I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
