you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
