i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
