dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
