shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You may now shotgun with the bride
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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