I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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