I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
