i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
