Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
