I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize