I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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