OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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