I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
