It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
