youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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