I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
