Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
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