I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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