I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
