anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
