Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
