I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
