I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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