wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
