We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
