1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I need to align my fucking chakras
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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