the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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