I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
