No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
