I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
