I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
