I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
