I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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