Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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