I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
