If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize