Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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