Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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