Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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