I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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