I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
