How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
