from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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