Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
