We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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