he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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