I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
