I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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