He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
