i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
