I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize